Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Scam Alert

Well, a couple of y'all mentioned a scam on their blogs an' I just didn't take the time to listen to y'all at all.  You know who you are!  Yep, I read in passin' about folks comin' to the door an' sayin' it was tick season, they was inspectors from the health department.  They was tellin' folks to undress, get buck nekkid an turn slowly around so as they could inspect for ticks. (Won't mention any names, but the initials are M.H. and W. G.)

I even heard it happened to a couple of y'all, but knew it would never happen to me.

Yet even the wise ol' storyteller man can be victim to this prank.  Y'see, I was sittin' in my livin' room down home in my hometown of Beloved, readin' some Jessee Stuart verse, sippin' on home made lemonade an' nibblin' here an' there on a biscuit with a slice of good ol' fried country ham.  I had hauled over 2,000 pounds of pea gravel back to the back an' put it under my deck so the dogs wouldn't get in the mud.  I reckon I was just plain worn out 'cause I just had let the book slide off my lap an' onto the floor.  The biscuit lay half eaten on a plate an' the lemonade was gettin' warm in the glass, all the ice had melted.

When the knock came to the door, I got up, still half asleep an' went to open it.  I didn't suspect nothin' as I stood there half asleep an' listened to the warnin' about ticks an' all.  Heck, I had got into a patch of woods just plumb full of seed ticks a few weeks ago an found three on me - two in my hair back behind my ears an' one on my leg.  I just hate ticks.  I hadn't got the one in my head out good an' it formed a sore for a couple of days.

I didn't pay no mind to the gigglin' or smirkin' as them fellers talked to me.  I just listened good naturedly, still woozy from sittin' an' drowzin' in my chair.

When they instructed me to take my clothes off an' turn around slowly, I complied easily.  They was from the Health Department after all.  I took off my overalls, shirt an' drawers quickly.  My socks had already gone when I sat down.  Slowly I turned this magnificant body around and around, a few drops of sweat glistening on my heavin' chest.

that's when it got weird.  them Tick Inspectors from the Health Department got wild eyed, started screamin' an turned an' ran off my porch.  They was hollerin' at the top of their lungs.  A couple neighbors came out while I was still rotatin' an' I reckon they wanted to see if I had ticks also cause they sure looked my way for a long time.

I suspect my example gave them the courage to go in an' lkook on their own selves, 'cause several doors slammed an' they sure went in awful fast.

Later all heck broke loose as the Sherrif came by an' said I had exposed myself an' needed to go down to the sherriff's office to be booked.  I thought that was some type of fancy scannin' for ticks an' went right along.  they took my fingerprints an' took pictures of me.  I tried to undress 'cause if they was lookin' for ticks too they needed to take pictures of my without clothes, cause ticks get under clothes, not on them.

I must have scared them with havin' ticks real bad, or so I thought, cause they put me in a cell all by myself.  The two drunbks in the next cell was whisperin' to themselves about me, I reckon they didn't want to get ticks, so they went all the way to the other end of the cell.

Later I was let go, must have been cause they was no ticks on me.  The Sherrif said it was all a misunderstandin' but I should have known it was a trick.

Like I said, I was half asleep an' had experienced a run in with a bunch of ticks just a few days before.  Still, he said I should have known.

How was I to know that 8 year old boys can't be tick inspectors?

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