Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Thanksgiving Plans in Beloved

My hometown of Beloved, Kentucky is all wound up as folks get ready for tomorrow and out world famous Thanksgiving Day Parade an' Turkey Fry.  As usual the town Elders (Bob an' Roy Elder - they do all the plannin'for the parade) have asked me to bring my 8 trained squirrels, my little red wagon with the 8 hamster wheels welded to the tongue of the wagon in which my little squirrels run an' pull me through town as Santy
Claus.  Alls I have to do is put some leftover candy corn on a fly rod, hold it out in front of them dang tree rats an' they take off pullin' me any direction I move the candy corn.

I named the squirrels special since they pull me as Santy.  They are named Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet and Cupid,' Fluffy.  I had one I was trainin' to be Rudolph but the dang thing didn't
take to the foam clown nose an' run off with a fox squirrel from up on Buttons Poppin Holler.

The turkey fry will be as wonderful as always.  Of course, in honor of my Cousin Peanut there will be a Turkey Fry Flyin' Contest.  Each contestant will be given a quart of moonshine to inject in their 12 pound
turkey.  They are placed in an empty pot to honor the first turkey of Peanut's that went a flyin' out of the hot grease when they tried to fry it (it had over 2 gallons of moonshine in it an' went into orbit!  But that is another story)  The turkey carcasses may be decorated but no extra moonshine can be injected.  The FAA put a stop to fully injected turkeys a couple years back.  They are lit in the pot an' the one flyin' the furthest wins.

Cousin Peanut has a demonstration after we all eat tomorrow.  He had a 16 pounder injected with a full gallon of shine.  A harness is on the bird - sort of like a dog harness up in Alaska.  The other end has sort
of a para-sail that my Cousin Peanut will be attached to.  He is hopin' to be launched way up into the upper atmosphere where he will release the turkey and float gracefully like "eiderdown" as he put it back to
the town where he will be greeted as the hero he is.

'Course you know there is some bad blood 'tween me an' Peanut since the first accidental turkey launch.  I brought the squirrels an' the Santy suit down to be the highlight of the parade.  The ol' back end of the
coat drug the ground all through downtown Beloved - all 1/4 mile of the parade route.  Folks laughed an' said it looked like Santy had done dirtied his diaper... needed some Depends. Then Peanut not only causes his
turkey to go into orbit (accidental, might I add) but ol' NASA had to award him all them medals.  Sheesh.

I suspect somethin' might go wrong with the harnessed turkey Peanut will be attached to.  Bound to be a mishap, I reckon.

I'll let y'all know more after the events of tomorrow.  In the meanwhile, Happy Thanksgivin' to you an' yours from me, the youngins an' Oh My Darlin'.

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