Friday, November 26, 2004

Thanksgiving in Beloved, part two

Cousins,
The day is progressing well and the jet turkey contest is such a hit.  There have been a few problems, as I mentioned earlier.

One I forgot to mention earlier was the secret ingredient of Miss Henrietta Carpenter.  She is a fine cook and thought she might give her turkey a little extra get up an' go if she added a little to the moonshine.  She doctored it all right...by adding 14 tablespoons of garlic juice and some ramp extract.  Ramps are a wild garlic found in the hills.  Better tasting but more pungent.

When her turkey was lit, it took off fine, but bumped into the turkey of Uncle Jim Bob Combs.  The left wing of her turkey was crumpled a little an' the flag leaned down just enough to make the bird fly in a circle overhead.

It has been flyin' now for over two hours an' the smoke comin' from the backside of that turkey carcass is somethin' awful.  You don't know how bad garlic juice can smell till you add a half pint of ramp extract.

It is like the stinkbomb from purgatory itself...where the worm dieth not an' the fire is not quenched.  It is like the pit of the netherworld has opened up an' the sulfur of a thousand punishments has filtered up.  Oh, Lordy Lou it is bad.

It keeps flyin' round an' round, emittin' that terrible odor.  Folks suggested shootin' it out of the sky, but we are all afraid of gettin some of that stuff on us.  I reckon we'll just have to wait for it to run out of moonshine an' them we'll help Miss Henrietta bury it far away from town.

Miss Annie Pankey has confronted Miss Henrietta an' is hollerin' at her in the Main Street area just in front of the Pappy Yokum Masonic Lodge Number 451 an' is claimin' that odiferous bird has ruined all the quilts for sale in Pankey's Hankies, Annie's antique store on Main Street.

Annie has formally challenged Miss Henrietta to a duel an' said it was definite grounds for a feud between the Pankey an' Carpenter clans.  Luckily we have taken all her shotgun shells a long time ago or it would be bloodshed on the streets of Beloved for sure.

Well, cousins, the next thing to happen is the noontime parade.  I have to start gettin' the squirrels ready for their hamster wheels.  I try to feed each of them a little Skippy Peanut butter each day for a month as we are in trainin'.  I use the chunky kind for them.

This afternoon is the 4H young hen, squab an' Cornish hen jet fly contest.  They use just a half pint of moonshine an' have to make it themselves.  It really does get the youngin's in a holiday mood.

Stephen Hollen
My Daddy always said happiness is like moonshine; make your own and you'll never run out
Post a Comment